


the principle of the thing

by zetasocieties



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, i'd like to thank michael mcintyre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-05-01 14:10:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5208779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zetasocieties/pseuds/zetasocieties
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>14/11/2015, 3:04am</b><br/><em>@Real_AHam</em><br/>WHO EVEN TRIES TO SEXUALLY HARRASS THE U.S. TREASURY SECRETARY IN THE EARLY HOURS OF THE MORNING </p><p><em>@Real_AHam</em><br/>GET A HOOKER</p><p><em>@Real_AHam</em><br/>OR LIKE</p><p><em>@Real_AHam</em><br/>AT LEAST PAY ME FIRST</p><p><em>@Real_AHam</em><br/>#justsayin #phonegate15<br/>-</p><p>In which the Treasury Secretary does not have a good night, as livetweeted by himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the principle of the thing

**Author's Note:**

> You know that Michael McIntyre video where he talks about getting a series of heavy breathing calls in the early hours of the morning? A. Ham is exactly the kind of idiot who would end up in that situation then livetweet it and I refuse for a single second to believe otherwise.
> 
> Also, this was entirely done to avoid studying for my Swedish exam and y'all are never going to take me seriously again after this. I do not blame you.

**14/11/2015, 2:00am**

_@Real_AHam  
_ redrafting financial proposal. entire house currently sleeping. landline rings.

 _@Real_AHam_  
(what's the cut-off time for acceptable phone call hours anyway? like 9, 10pm?  w/e this is BEYOND that.)

 _@Real_AHam_  
ignore it, rings again. "hello?" serious heavy breathing on the other end. hang up. what the fuck 

 _@Real_AHam_  
idk i guess it's kind of flattering?  in an extremely creepy way

-

**14/11/2015, 2:16am**

_@Real_AHam_  
just happened again?? calling #phonegate15 right now

-

**14/11/2015, 2:19am**

_@Real_AHam_  
#phonegate15 continues. started answering angrily so they know 1/2

 _@Real_AHam_  
2/2 this is not a SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE TIME to CALL MY HOUSE #phonegate15

 _@Real_AHam_  
some of us are WORKING #phonegate15

-

**14/11/2015, 2:20am**

_@JLaurenss_  
@Real_AHam holy fuck pls chill have u never heard of caller ID

 _@JLaurenss_  
@Real_AHam also 2am is not when most ppl work u know that right

 _@Real_AHam_  
@JLaurenss number withheld, call count up to 5, i work at 2am #phonegate15

 _@JLaurenss_  
& you call me at weird hours ALL THE TIME @Real_AHam

 _@Real_AHam_  
@JLaurenss that's different.  youre my friend you signed up for this

 _@JLaurenss_  
@Real_AHam i resign 

-

**14/11/2015, 2:23am**

_@Real_AHam_  
if this is @tjefferson's idea of a joke fuck you and why didn't i think of this first @tjefferson #phonegate15

 _@tjefferson_  
@Real_AHam not me but on that note

 _@tjefferson_  
@Real_AHam AHAHAHAHAHA 

-

**14/11/2015, 2:27am**

_@Real_AHam_  
this is officially weird who is this #phonegate15

-

**14/11/2015, 2:31am**

_@Real_AHam_  
#phonegate15 just checked philip's room (asleep btw).  it's come to this.  this is what im driven to

 _@Real_AHam_  
spying on my family in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT #phonegate15

-

**14/11/2015, 2:50am**

_@Real_AHam_  
WHO THE FUCK IS THIS #phonegate15

-

**14/11/2015, 2:58am**

_@Real_AHam_  
call count @ 7.  woke eliza, explained situation.  "go back to sleep alex" #supportivemarriage #phonegate15 @el_schuy 

 _@el_schuy_  
@Real_AHam please go to bed #tootiredforthis

-

**14/11/2015, 3:04am**

_@Real_AHam_  
WHO EVEN TRIES TO SEXUALLY HARRASS THE U.S. TREASURY SECRETARY IN THE EARLY HOURS OF THE MORNING 

@Real_AHam  
GET A HOOKER

 _@Real_AHam_  
OR LIKE

 _@Real_AHam_  
AT LEAST PAY ME FIRST

 _@Real_AHam_  
#justsayin #phonegate15

-

**14/11/2015, 3:06am**

_@Laf_ayette_  
@Real_AHam this is the funniest thing im taking screenshots

 _@Real_AHam_  
@Laf_ayette your concern and support is touching, gilbert 

- 

**14/11/2015, 3:06am**

_@tjefferson_  
@Laf_ayette screenshots pls

-

**14/11/2015, 3:07am**

_@Real_AHam_  
@Laf_ayette don't u DARE   
          RETWEET _@tjefferson_ @Laf_ayette screenshots pls

 _@Laf_ayette_  
alexander you posted this online everyone's seen it @Real_AHam

 _@Real_AHam_  
@Laf_ayette IT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING

-

**14/11/2015, 3:29am**

_@Real_AHam  
_ and then he made a heavy breathing phone call to my landline 

 _@Real_AHam_  
he made a heavy breathing phone call to my landline TEN TIMES #phonegate15

-

**14/11/2015, 3:30am**

_@JLaurenss_  
rip @Real_AHam

 _@JLaurenss_  
@Real_AHam nice reference tho

 _@Real_AHam_  
@JLaurenss i don't even like chicago god help me

-

**14/11/2015, 3:36am**

_@Laf_ayette_  
who doesn't like chicago whats wrong w u @Real_AHam 

 _@tjefferson_  
@Laf_ayette @Real_AHam oh do you want a list because i can help

-

**14/11/2015, 3:38am**

_@el_schuy_  
"i... fucked up..." - alex just now 

-

**14/11/2015, 3:39am**

_@Real_AHam_  
#phonegate15 case officially closed goodnight

-

**14/11/2015, 3:40am**

_@JLaurenss_  
@Real_AHam alex alex alex wait what happened

 _@Laf_ayette_  
@Real_AHam i need a conclusion to this?

 _@tjefferson_  
@el_schuy @Real_AHam ??????????? #notevensurprised #thequestionisHOW  
         RETWEET _@el_schuy_ "i... fucked up..." - alex just now 

-

**14/11/2015, 3:40am**

_@Real_AHam  
_ @JLaurenss @Laf_ayette it's done it's closed

 _@Real_AHam_  
@tjefferson stop tweeting my wife

-

**14/11/2015, 3:45am**

_@el_schuy  
_ ok alexander's sulking but i for one find this hilarious so who wants to hear the resolution of #phonegate15

-

**14/11/2015, 3:46am**

_@JLaurenss_  
@el_schuy ME I DO

 _@JLaurenss_  
@Laf_ayette   
            RETWEET _@el_schuy_ alexander's sulking but i for one find this hilarious so who wants to hear the resolution of #phonegate15

 _@tjefferson_  
wait i want popcorn for this  
            RETWEET _@el_schuy_ alexander's sulking but i for one find this hilarious so who wants to hear the resolution of #phonegate15

 _@tjefferson_  
@el_schuy okay go

-

**14/11/2015, 3:49am**

_@Real_AHam_  
@el_schuy not sulking

-

**14/11/2015, 3:50am**

_@el_schuy_  
so im just about to fall asleep again after SOMEone woke me up (@Real_AHam) b/c he was being "harassed"

 _@el_schuy_  
and i can hear this squeaking coming from the other side of the room?  so i turn the light on and 

 _@el_schuy_  
@Real_AHam is just standing next to the chair.  looking confused.  then he sits down v slowly 

 _@el_schuy_  
and slowly stands up again.  repeats several times. @Real_AHam

 _@el_schuy_  
            RETWEET _@el_schuy_ "i... fucked up..." - alex just now

 _@el_schuy_  
who wants to guess what he found in his back pocket

-

**14/11/2015, 3:50am**

_@Laf_ayette_  
im laughing my ass off @Real_AHam @el_schuy

 _@JLaurenss_  
@el_schuy @Real_AHam NO.  N O HOLY SH I T 

-

**14/11/2015, 3:57am**

_@el_schuy_  
TLDR your treasury secretary was making heavy breathing calls to the landline via butt-dial

 _@el_schuy_  
from his personal phone and live-tweeting the entire thing to you via his "work phone"

@el_schuy  
which im 100% sure is just his way of getting away w tweeting during office hours

 _@el_schuy_  
#goodmorningamerica #phonegate15

-

**14/11/2015, 4:01am**

_@tjefferson_  
@J_Madison @AaronBurrOfficial @AngelicaSchuyler1 @thejadams @gWashington   
           RETWEET  _@el_schuy_ TLDR your treasury secretary was making heavy breathing calls to the landline via butt-dial

-

**14/11/2015, 10:28am**

_@Real_AHam_  
fuck all of you #goodfuckingmorning #phonegate15

 

**Author's Note:**

> The reader, the founding fathers, and Lin-Manuel Miranda have my sincerest apologies for this. 
> 
> (If anybody wants to hear Michael McIntyre telling the original version of this story, which, needless to say, is infinitely funnier than mine, you can do so [here.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hxa-9o7JeJ4))
> 
> Come talk to me on my [Tumblr](https://www.hamlltons.tumblr.com)!


End file.
